Sunday, May 27, 2007

Graphic Joke Warning: 3rd Grade Show n' Tell

Three third graders from Tennessee (an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Redneck kid) are on the play ground at recess.
The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the
largest weenie," he says.
"Okay." They all agree.
The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out and proudly shows
that his is at least an inch longer.
Not to be outdone, the Redneck kid whips his out. It is by far not only the
biggest, but the fattest.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Redneck kid's mother asks him what he
did at school today.
"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from
a new book and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called
"Let's see who has the largest weenie."
"What kind of game is that, honey?" asked the mother.
"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies and I had the
biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm a Redneck. Is that true, Mom?"
Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty-one."

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

"Well, you could have!"

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have, " the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."