Check out the new sidebar addition. We've added a jokes list from the Internet to keep our friends entertained.
Enjoy!
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Graphic Joke Warning: 3rd Grade Show n' Tell
Three third graders from Tennessee (an Irish kid, an Italian kid and a Redneck kid) are on the play ground at recess.
The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the
largest weenie," he says.
"Okay." They all agree.
The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out and proudly shows
that his is at least an inch longer.
Not to be outdone, the Redneck kid whips his out. It is by far not only the
biggest, but the fattest.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Redneck kid's mother asks him what he
did at school today.
"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from
a new book and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called
"Let's see who has the largest weenie."
"What kind of game is that, honey?" asked the mother.
"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies and I had the
biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm a Redneck. Is that true, Mom?"
Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty-one."
The Irish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the
largest weenie," he says.
"Okay." They all agree.
The Italian kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out.
"That's nothing," says the Irish kid. He whips his out and proudly shows
that his is at least an inch longer.
Not to be outdone, the Redneck kid whips his out. It is by far not only the
biggest, but the fattest.
That night, eating dinner at home, the Redneck kid's mother asks him what he
did at school today.
"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from
a new book and then during recess, my friends and I played a new game called
"Let's see who has the largest weenie."
"What kind of game is that, honey?" asked the mother.
"Well, me, Anthony and Patrick each pulled out our weenies and I had the
biggest! The other kids say it's because I'm a Redneck. Is that true, Mom?"
Mom replies, "No, Honey. It's because you're twenty-one."
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
"Well, you could have!"
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have, " the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have, " the Manager replies.
No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
Monday, April 30, 2007
Speaking of Southern Humor --
Mitt would fit right in! Even without Jay Leno "pulling the strings."
Mitt will be on Leno's show this week before the debate.
Can't Buy Integrity
With Gull's series on Mitt Romney, I decided to google a few articles on Romney's character and integrity. The guy is squeeky clean. He's generous, too. A type of public servant we've not seen in eons, if not longer. Here's something of note:
What causes so many of our elected officials to push ethics aside?
It’s an all-consuming desire to gain power, fame, and fortune.
Rather than working to serve the people, they work to serve themselves at the
expense of the people. For Governor Romney, the opportunity to serve others
was what drew him to government. As a wildly successful businessman,
Romney could have ignored the call to public service. But, as he explained in his book Turnaround, the opportunity to serve has given him more satisfaction than he ever could have expected:
“There is not one day when I have regretted making a full commitment to public service. The battles, the triumphs, the personal associations are more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. I could have made a good deal more money over the last five years had I stayed at my investment job…Instead, I have come to know many more people and to help many more people I
do not know. It’s a currency of a different denomination: it can’t be taxed, stolen, or depleted. The more I have of it, the richer I feel.” (page 384)Speaking of money, it should be noted that Romney has served as governor
without taking a salary to encourage the spirit of volunteerism and out of his
desire to give something back.
When the 2002 Winter Olympics needed someone to come in and clean up
corruption, scandal, and waste that had occurred in the planning stages, they
called on Mitt Romney. He answered the call, turned around the mess, and
put on the most successful Winter Games in our history at a time when our
country needed a boost (the games occurred just months after
9/11).
That's the type of person I want as president.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
SOUTHERN RULES
Ways To Avoid A Good Southern Ass Whuppin by the Southern Tourism Bureau TO: ALL visiting Northerners, North-easterners, North-westerners, Westerners and Southwestern Urbanites
2. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook> something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass.
3. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your ass.
4. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying rat's ass whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever... it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
5. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g.Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies or we'll kick your ass.
6. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Sam Walton, Oprah, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g. John Edwards, Al! Gore, Bill Clinton, David Duke). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick his/her ass.
7. Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass.
8. Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Luther, Tammy Lynn, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
9. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.
10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we> know better. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta or US Airways is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.
11. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way> because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass.
12. Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor.
13. Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manner into your ass just like they did ours.
14. So you think we're quaint, or losers, because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime infested cesspools like New York, Baltimore or Boston. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.
15. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box . . . minus your ass.
AND NO ---- Not everyone from the south voted for Jimmah Cartah.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)